If you’re not achieving your goals, it isn’t because of a lack of knowledge. Nope, it’s due to patterns of self sabotage.
Heidi Gruss, a licensed psychotherapist and trandorantion strategist, shares the importance of identifying and breaking those automated patterns of self sabotage.
Read on for key gems Heidi shares.
Being a Fatalist is a Common Self Sabotage Pattern
A fatalist is someone who always going to the worst case scenario. The minute they’re in a certain circumstance, they’ve committed themselves to the negative outcome. People do this because if they can prepare themselves for the worst, then maybe it will to soften the blow.
The problem with doing that is when you’ve already entertained the worst case scenario, that’s where your attention is. The second you’re detecting something that’s leading to the worst case scenario, you’re not surprised. It then becomes that you’re burning about the outcome that you’re trying to avoid because that’s where your attention is.
Transforming Your Mindset is Necessary for Long Term Success
To transform your mindset you have to break the cycle of constant restarting. Identifying the self sabotaging identities, behaviors, emotional blocks, are important to break those automated patterns. That’s when you can move forward, create momentum and stay in motion towards achieving your goals.
The How: Interpret the Feeling without Making it Mean More
Even if you tell yourself that nobody’s going to buy, or if nobody actually buys, and you told yourself ten people are going to buy, you’re going to be disappointed. Here you have to realize that nobody dies from feeling disappointed. Life still goes on when you feel disappointed. It doesn’t mean that you just stop and don’t have a service of value or you don’t have a successful business. That’s the interpretation of the feeling of disappointment.
Now, you have to back up and own the feeling. This is a defense mechanism. You’re trying to avoid or protect yourself from this feeling when in reality, there is a chance that you’re going to feel disappointed, but you’re still going to be okay.
Now that you’ve identified and felt the feeling of disappointment, you can’t live there. You have to ask yourself – What did I learn from this? You know more now than before you opened up this launch because it’s the only way you’re going to learn more; by doing. You focus on refining the tools you used to be successful in the beginning to repurpose them for where you are no.
3 Practical Tips to Stop Self Sabotaging Patterns
Rewrite the Story
The self sabotaging patterns represent a limiting belief. The work is now to unravel this limiting belief. To do that, you have to rewrite the story. You have to keep telling yourself a new story. How you’re talking to yourself is dictating how you’re feeling and how then you’re taking action or making decisions.
Incorporate Your Feelings
In order to make the story real, you have to think about how you are feeling in this new story. What is it that you’re looking to feel at the end? For example, when you know you need to have a hard conversation, you think about your word choice. You know you still have to say the hard thing because you want to feel proud or want to develop a closer relationship with that person.
You have to make feelings part of the story because you’re not a robot, you’re a feeling being. Feelings make the rewritten story real.
Lift Up the Shade
If you could do this all by yourself, you wouldn’t be trapped in an cycle of self sabotaging patterns. But you can’t see what you can’t see. We all have blind spots.
When the coach, the mentor, or the therapist shines the light on it, it is like lifting up the shade.
That shade never goes down once it’s pointed out. You can pretend you don’t see it, but it’s not going away. The best way to lift up the shade is to get a trained professional. To expedite your results you have to be both patient and consistent. You can’t do something one time and then act as if it’s like your new tradition or your new ritual. It just doesn’t work that way.
Once you’ve lifted up the shade and rewrite your story, it’s part of your being. It becomes who you are and it changes your automated behavior.
Resources
Tools, tips, and mindset hacks to help you get mentally strong, emotionally secure, and out of the emotional quicksand – desoladavis.com/giftvault
About Heidi
Heidi Gruss is a licensed psychotherapist and transformation strategist who specializes in working with burned out women seeking a change in their lives. She brings to her clients two decades of clinical and administrative experience in both private and corporate behavioral health settings. Four of those years were spent running a multi-million-dollar behavioral health program for the state of Connecticut that became a model for the rest of the United States.
Through her multi-six figure coaching business, she helps women rapidly identify and overcome negative patterns of behavior that hold them back from achieving their goals in business, health and life. Her clients have been able to obtain much-deserved promotions, transition into different careers, create greater work-life balance and improve their well-being.
Heidi’s expertise has been featured in media outlets such as Master Your Mindset With Coach Marc, The Bigger Braver Show, Grow Your Path to Wellness and Victim to Victory. She has also presented to audiences of thousands on virtual and live stages across the United States. She lives in Waterford, Connecticut, with her husband and three children.
